Growing Pains

If you were to ask me (and lets just pretend you are) what God is teaching me right now, it would be without any hesitation the one word dependence.

In our journey of faith, this concept of dependence runs as far as possible from parallel to what is glorified in our culture.  In our world the goal of growing up is to be able to take care of oneself, no longer depending on a parent or caretaker.  We struggle with vulnerability and relationships in general because it requires letting someone else carry our burden, letting someone else into our deep and secret places.

I have often falsely believed that growing in my faith and as a Christian would make me less dependent.  I strive for independence in every area of life and quite honestly, dependence is just quite inconvenient.

Here I am, age 25, and incredibly dependent in many ways.  Financially dependent, emotionally dependent, spiritually dependent.  And while normal life will hopefully someday lead me to be independent in some ways, I am realizing more and more that spiritual independence is not a thing.  It doesn’t exist.

As we grow in our faith, we are more and more dependent on God.  We are children – constantly functioning as children – and He is delighted to be our Father, our caretaker.

The Bethel song “I Need You More” speaks this beautifully:

I need you more, more than yesterday

I need you more, more than words can say

I need you more, than ever before

I need you Lord, I need you Lord.

More than the air that I breathe

More than the song I sing

More than the next heartbeat

More than anything

Lord as time goes by

I’ll be by your side

‘Cause I never want to go back to my old life

Proof of growing in our faith isn’t shown by needing God less. It is a Benjamin Button backwards growth of needing Him more and more and more. 
For me right now it feels like growing pains; I want to grow out of this phase and be independent.  I want to be able to take care of myself.  It might be one of my strongest human desires.  But it isn’t going to happen.

Our perspective and understanding need to change from a desire for independence to a gratefulness for a God who wants to take care of us.  His heart for us wants us to come to Him with our needs and desires.  He desires to take care of us, to welcome us into His presence – deeper and deeper. 

We will always need our spiritual training wheels.  Luckily, even when we try to ride on our own without them, we have a Father who runs right next to us, ready to catch us whenever we fall.