"And If Not..."

This has been the background on my phone for the past few months.

It keeps making appearances in my life; coming to my attention right when I need to remember it.  (Backgrounds are helpful for that kind of thing.)

Each time I see it though, I remember how important it is to really believe it. 
It would be easy (it is easy) to doubt God’s goodness when things go wrong or the answer is “No.”  Likewise, we often have an easier time believing He is good when the path is easy and the burden is light.

Accurate understanding of God leads us to the belief that God is good no matter what.  We can believe that His plan and purposes for us are good, because He is good Himself.  Nothing that comes from Him is anything other than fully good.

It seems a simple truth, one that seasoned Christians might easily gloss over; but stop and dwell on those words: And if not, He is still good.

What in your life could be the “if not”?  A job? Relationship? Promotion? Finances? We know that we can ask God and He will answer...however, He does not promise that the answer will always be yes.

Know that in the “If not” situations of your life – He is still good.  Receiving a “no” does not contradict His character, it just helps you know in what direction you are and are not supposed to go.  He is a God who leads us, slowly and steadily; He invites us into a life of abiding with Him, where we can be certain that no matter His answer to our requests, He is a good God.

Instead of asking for God's response to always be yes, ask that in all things you would know His character.  Seek to remember and be confident of His goodness and faithfulness to us.  Remember the times He has said yes, and contemplate the times He has said no.  All that He does is for our benefit, for the purpose of glorifying Him with our lives.  When we live seeking who He is rather than what He can do for us, everything changes.

He longs to give us good things and He often says yes; "and if not, He is still good."

Identity Crisis

Shawna has been such a sweet friend to me in Denver.  Her laugh is infectious, her heart for Jesus is so genuine, and her wisdom is shared with such ease and humility.  She is now a counselor, helping many people through her kindness, listening heart, and empathetic nature.  You can find her blogging at: babysteppingdowntheroad.wordpress.com

When Kallie first asked me to write a guest post on her blog I was honored that she thought I would have something of value to contribute. Isn’t that true of all of us though, at one time or another? We sometimes think we’ve got something to offer, but then we second guess ourselves and decide: nope, we probably don’t. And as I think about that, isn’t that cruel, the way we downplay what we have? We never even give ourselves an opportunity to share what we’ve got, to grow and develop into the people God created us to be. We just shut it down.

Downplaying and negating what I have to offer is something I have been tempted with and have fought with myself over and over. See, I knew I wanted to be a counselor from the time I was 13, and I set out on that path. It was who I was. It was the role I was meant to grow into. Before I was hired as a therapist at my office, I would go back and forth trying to decide whether I even had anything to offer, and I was so afraid I had nothing to give to help those who would be my clients.

When I first stepped into this new role of being a counselor at the beginning of this year, I like to say I had – and may still be having – an identity crisis. I say this because I stepped into a new role, which consequently led me to the process of discovering more of who I was created to be. My identity was shifting. I was no longer Shawna the administrative assistant, student, nanny, or any other role I have had in the last several years. No, I stepped into what I believe I was called to do, and took a step into shifting my identity to being Shawna the counselor, to becoming more of who I was meant to be. Really, becoming more of me. And I am still discovering what this means. I don’t believe that we ever truly stop discovering more about ourselves. This life is not a static experience, but rather it’s such a truly dynamic one. Every relationship we encounter, every experience we have gives us an opportunity to grow, to learn something more about who we are and how we interact with others.

As I continue in my journey of discovering my identity, and who I am as a counselor, in my new-ish career role, I see more of who God created me to be being drawn out, and while it often feels as though a crisis is going on inside me, I love seeing myself take on the counselor role and finding that who I am is exactly the person God wants me to bring to my clients. He put the desire in me to do this, and even though sometimes I feel that I can’t, I’m reminded of a quote I found a while ago (yes, I am one of those people who save up quotes written with materials from my office supply addiction :) for such occasions as this). This quote said: “God does not call the equipped, He equips the called.” God has called each one of us; He has created each one of us for a purpose specific to us. We don’t get to know how it will go at the beginning, though I admit I have often thought that would be so much easier, but I guess it’d also be pretty boring. God gives us what we need in order to do what He has called us to, and then we get to discover our role in what He wants us to do. We get to discover just what exactly we have that He has given us so we can fulfill the purpose He has set before us. For so long I’ve prayed: “Lord, help me to be the woman you have created me to be.” He’s doing just that. He’s drawing out, refining, sharpening what He knows I have, and most of all blossoming me into who He wants me to be. May I never stop Him from continuing, nor get in the way of letting this process happen.

May who God created you to be, be called out.

Baby stepping with you my friend, 

Shawna

The Beloved Artist

This post is by my dear friend Carin.  She has broadened my perspective of the world and of what soul care can look like in it.  I am beyond grateful for her company on this journey of seminary, 20-something life, and the search for identity.  She is a crazy talented artist, and you can see lots of it on her website: carintillman.com

Her art opens the viewer up to an emotional and spiritual experience, and reflects her talent and passion for people to experience Christ and His healing and deep love for us.  This is a special post about what it looks like to understand God's love as an artist.

"We call ‘beautiful’ that which has a share in beauty, and we give the name of ‘beauty’ to that ingredient which is the cause of beauty in everything. But the ‘beautiful’ which is beyond individual being is called ‘beauty’ because of that beauty bestowed by it on all things, each in accordance with what it is. It is given this name because it is the cause of the harmony and splendor in everything, because like a light it flashes onto everything the beauty-causing impartations of its own well-spring ray." Pseudo-Dionysius, The Divine Names

Because I am a partaker in the gift of life that Beauty gives, I am beautiful. It seems cliché to be a woman talking about being beautiful, but through my years of studying visual art and Christian formation, one thing has coalesced in a

deeper and truer sense than anything else: I am the Beloved and that means I am beautiful. Though this is an understanding or concept that is spoken of quite frequently in my program at seminary, I’m afraid I have completely failed to begin to comprehend this. I can repeat that warming phrase and steep in it: I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine. But what does this really mean?  It all had to become so insanely specific to me—the unique me, the one He knit together in my mother’s womb... the little Carin that He had in mind since before the beginning of time... all my passions, all my heart’s desires, all my hopes and dreams—that specific. This specificity is where I begin to answer what it really means to be the beloved.  It has taken all of my twenty-five years to get to this realization... to this person that I am now. It has taken seemingly forever to realize how specific personality traits fit with specific passions... a continual realization of how I am wired. I believe we never stop learning ourselves.  The selves that the Godhead created... the selves that are being constantly redeemed into the best and most-intended versions of who we were created to be.  

And so, what does beloved mean to this me now that I am at this juncture in my short little life on this earth? What does beloved mean to a tiny co-creator who attempts to follow in the ultimate Creator’s footsteps... a little one who makes things in order to make her Godhead’s heart proud and so that all other littles may see the goodness and redemption and love they exude...? It means being beautiful. It means believing in beauty (the power of it and its origin); believing in capital ‘B’ Beauty—that One... that ultimate Creator from whom all beauty exudes.

It means believing that I am like Him in a way. Scripture states that we are made in His image. Some say likeness. I refuse to get too deep into the systematic theology of the imago dei here and now, but I think we can safely say we are made in His image. I love the way Pseudo-Dionysius (as seen in the quote above), illustrates this for me.  When I look at the theology of beauty (theological aesthetics or the attempt to understand the nature of beauty and art via the God Who is Creator), my eyes well with tears, my lips curl into a tiny sweet smile and my heart sinks deep into an authentic concept that finally this little artist can grasp a nibble of. My God made me so absolutely specific, but I am derivative of Him—my beauty, my uniqueness within the nuance of particular passion and gift, personality and dreams are knit by Him. As Pseudo-Dionysius delineates above, I am beautiful because I have a share in Beauty. He has “bestowed” upon me “beauty... in accordance to [what I am].” (Pseudo-Dionysius, The Divine Names).  Being the beloved means being beautiful, and to me specifically in my unique createdness it means being an artist in every facet of my life.  It means continually creating little derivatives of myself that continually speak of the redemption the Godhead performs in my life daily.

Two Thoughts

Just two thoughts, somehow connected to each other, for you to ponder.

one.

Brené Brown is my hero. (If you’ve been around me at all in the past week you know that I have *nerd alert* been listening to her book Daring Greatly on CD in my car, and I am obsessed.) 

Her book is about vulnerability and shame.  Yeah, you should read it.  Here are some of my favorite quotes:

“Connection is why we're here; it is what gives purpose and meaning to our lives. The power that connection holds in our lives was confirmed when the main concern about connection emerged as the fear of disconnection; the fear that something we have done or failed to do, something about who we are or where we come from, has made us unlovable and unworthy of connection.” 

“I believe that owning our worthiness is the act of acknowledging that we are sacred. Perhaps embracing vulnerability and overcoming numbing is ultimately about the care and feeding of our spirits.” 

She also talks about the concept of scarcity.  (Again, if you’ve been around me in the past week, I apologize for the obsessive repetition.)  Scarcity is her term for the idea that we believe we are “never enough”.  We are never good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, successful enough…fill in the blank.  I’d wage a bet that anyone you talk to could easily name the way they are, supposedly, “not enough.” She points out this idea that we perpetuate this idea of scarcity from the minute our alarm goes off in the morning until the moment our head hits the pillow at night.

What is the first thing you think when you wake up? That was not enough sleep.

Not enough sleep.

And what is the last thing we often think about when we are trying to fall asleep at night?  I didn’t have enough time to get everything done.

Not enough time.

We bookend our days with feelings of not enough. 

Mindblown? (Read. her. book.)

two.

I keep thinking that maybe when it comes to our faith we often overcomplicate it.  No matter how much I want to be educated and knowledgeable, no matter what podcasts I listen to or books I read, I always come back to the idea that it is really as simple as this:

God loves you.

That “simple” statement has implications beyond any theological or political debate; it is beautiful and messy and unfair and doesn’t make sense. It is the best news and the most unbelievable news and it really changes everything.

I have this sneaking suspicion that we often hide our fear of being known and loved behind intellectual armor, fighting against believing the good news with doubts and questions.

Don’t get me wrong.  I support those who question.  Who want to wrestle and truly understand theology.  I get that we all have different personalities and some are more inclined to head knowledge while others more closely follow the heart. 
Doubting can be good; God does not want you to simply follow Him because your Mom did and so should you.  But it also cannot be something you hide behind.  

At some point, there will be questions still unanswered, issues in our broken world that you cannot fix, and you will be left with the simple choice to believe or not believe.  And when that moment comes, we can only ask the question Do I believe that God loves me?

At the end it is, as Brené Brown calls it (see what I did there?), fear of connection.  Or, fear of disconnection.  Ultimately we come to a fork in the road where we have to realize God does love us, despite what we have done or not done, and that can be and is enough.

And then we realize the most beautiful thing of all: we are enough because He loves us.