When Jesus Comes Late

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I find myself again in one of those waiting seasons. Someone this summer said that waiting isn’t a season, it’s a lifestyle. I am not entirely sure I agree; I guess the more "seasons" of waiting I experience, the more truth that is.

All I know is that I am definitely waiting right now. Waiting for doors to open or close, or a clear path to emerge amidst the forest.

I’m waiting for God to “show up.” That is one of those phrases that Christians, especially Seminary students, go nuts over - - “God is always with us, He doesn’t just show up sometimes.” It is true. He is always here, always with us, but sometimes it doesn’t feel like it.

People have felt that way throughout history. Even when Jesus was physically here on earth people felt like He did not show up when they thought He should have.

Remember that story of Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead? Mary and Martha did not understand why Jesus came “late.” To them, it didn’t make sense. He knew Lazarus was sick, and yet He did not come until after Lazarus had died.

I love this story for so many reasons. One, it is a prime example of Jesus meeting people right where they are, and knowing their exact need. Martha came running to Jesus asking why He didn’t come sooner, and He answered her with truth and teaching. “Your brother will rise again…I am the resurrection and the life” (John 11:23, 25 NIV). When Mary came to Him, weeping and questioning, He cried and mourned with her.

But mostly I love this story because it shows us the beauty of God’s timing. What seemed like Jesus showing up late became one of the best stories in the Bible.

By coming “late" - meaning after Lazarus died - Mary and Martha (and everyone else involved) were made witnesses to a miracle, their faith was increased, and a greater story was told than if Jesus had come before Lazarus died.

Before this, no one would have believed that Lazarus could be raised from the dead. They believed that he was dead and gone. Jesus used this situation to make them all witnesses of a miracle. He raised him from the dead! Sometimes we read these stories so many times we are desensitized to the miraculous. Lazarus was literally in the grave, wrapped in his linen grave-clothes. They were eyewitnesses to one of the greatest miracles ever performed.

Can you imagine the faith you would have if Jesus raised someone you loved from the dead? Mary and Martha must have had incredibly confidence in Jesus after that day. If He can raise our brother from the dead, what can’t He do? (Certainly they would have more faith in His statement that He is the resurrection and the life.)

If Jesus had come just a few days earlier, He could have healed Lazarus from his sickness, and it would have been great. Mary and Martha would have been grateful. People might think it was because Jesus healed Him, but there would certainly be a majority of people who would attribute it to his health taking a turn for the better, herbal remedies, or any other number of reasons people suddenly get over a sickness.

But He didn’t. He came when Lazarus had already died. He told a story that was beyond anything they could have imagined, because there was no other explanation other than that Jesus raised him from the dead. The story goes down in history as one of the few times a human came back from the dead.

So I’ve been thinking about this. How angry Mary and Martha must have been that Jesus showed up “late.” We think that all the time, don’t we? Where are you God? Do you even see me? If you cared, you would have shown up already.

But what if it’s the same reasons for us? What if God’s timing seems last minute to us, but really He is increasing our faith? What if He is making us witnesses to miracles? You can be dang sure that He is writing out a story that is a million times better than the one we would write ourselves.

I’m trying to believe this for my story. I'm trying to believe that God’s timing is not late, it is in fact the perfect timing. His is the only timing that would work, that I can handle.

He holds each of us in His hands. If we trust in the faithfulness of God that we have seen in the past, we can know that we are not only His Beloved, but are characters in an amazing story, being shaped and molded and bearing witness to His miracles.

The Process of Becoming

[An excerpt from my graduate thesis: The Resurrected Self: Finding our True Identity in Christ]

The statement can be made without much argument that the majority of people walk through life half-alive, if not completely dead.  We live captive to our sin and brokenness, or fighting to simply sludge through the days trying to survive.  It is clear from Scripture, as we have seen, that God calls us to be alive.  Since He gives us this call, there is reason to believe that it is possible.  He would not call us to something or promise something that was not achievable.  Verses such as John 10:10, “I have come that they might have life, and life to the full,” promise us that life in Jesus means to be fully alive.  Colossians 2:13, “When you were dead in your sin…God made you alive with Christ,” lays out for us the idea of the Resurrected Self.  Before being resurrected with Christ, we were dead in our sin.  Now that we have been raised with Him, being made co-heirs with Christ, we are not only saved but also awakened to live fully and be who God originally intended for us to be.  David Benner speaks of this idea of awakening and becoming in his book Spirituality and the Awakening Self.

“All things are not only sustained by God; but all things are also being made new in Christ. All things are being liberated and restored – becoming more than they are, becoming all they were intended to be in their fullness in Christ.”[1]  He discusses a “theology of becoming.”  It is a journey that God invites us on in order to find the fullness of life that He intended for us.  We need to push back against the reality that so many people walk through life half-awake, and help one another engage in the transformation and awakening into which God draws us.

We struggle to believe that real transformation is possible.  It is easy to go through life thinking that change is a futile attempt and that God is too distant to care.  Paul resists this in Acts 17:27-28: “He is not far from any one of us. For in him we live and move and have our being.”  Not only is He near us, He gives us our very life.  “It is we who fail to notice divine presence. It’s all a matter of awareness.”[2]  This awakening, Benner says, is what Jesus described as being “born again.”[3] 

Becoming and living out who God created us to be is not only of benefit to us, it is a worshipful and obedient act to God.  “A tree gives glory to God by being a tree.”[4]  The more we are who God designed us to be, the more glory we give Him and the more we reflect His Image.

While we are from the moment of our birth the person that God designed, there is a process of becoming in which we partake.  Because of sin and brokenness, our sinful human nature keeps us from naturally being the person that God created.  We have to engage in the process of sanctification and resurrection.  These steps are available to us because of what God has done throughout history for us.  Through the covenant, the crucifixion and resurrection God has not only made salvation possible but has opened the door for us to walk into new life and become who He originally intended us to be. 

Just as a butterfly must shed its cocoon in order to fly, so we must go through the process of becoming who we truly are.  A caterpillar that stayed a caterpillar would be wasting its full potential.  We think that we would rather remain the way we are, that we are just fine with the life we have now.  If only we could know, like the butterfly, that transformation will bring us into a new life more incredible than anything we could have ever imagined. 

It is a journey of discovery.  Like a sacred treasure hunt, God is revealing more and more of who He is and who we are in Him.  As we walk more into the process of sanctification and experience God at deeper and deeper levels of intimacy we find ourselves becoming the holistic person that God desired.  He longs for us to unearth who we are in all its glory and fullness.

---

[1] David Benner, Spirituality and the Awakening Self.  (Grand Rapids, MI: Brazos Press, 2012), X.

[2] Ibid. 

[3] Ibid. 

[4] Thomas Merton, New Seeds of Contemplation. (New York: New Directions Publishing, 1961), 31.

The Story of our Lives

        I think that the idea of “Story” has a lot to do with the conversation and the discovery of identity.   We all have this inner desire for our own story, for our lives to be unrepeatable and thrilling.  We want to live a life that could be written about, one with adventure and risk and meaning.

       These desires are innate.  We are designed to want this; it’s the way God made us.  It’s because we are part of the greatest story of all time.  We all play a part in the redemptive narrative of the world.  Story is weaved into our souls; we were cast in His story before we inhabited bodies, and we are living it out day by day.

       That is why we get bored.  It is why we search for purpose.  It is why we have longings so deep they sometimes hurt.  Everything about us is made to have story.  We were never created to live lives of monotony, just wandering aimlessly from simple day to simple day.

My newest read is Cold Tangerines by Shauna Niequist.  It is a book about celebration, and it’s beautiful.  This quote is what directed my mind toward this concept of story:

Every life tells a story, through words and actions and choices, through our homes and our children, through our clothes and dishes and perfume.  We each play a character in a grand drama, and every stage direction matters.  We tell our stories, and we let God’s story be told through our stories.  We tell God’s story as we live and discover our own. (Cold Tangerines, 137)

         I’ve found in myself an incredibly deep desire for a life that matters.  A life full of purpose and laughter and depth.  I want a life characterized by thriving, not by simply making it through from birth to death.  I struggle in the seeming monotony of graduate school to not start a countdown till my real life starts.  I have to remind myself that life has already started.  In fact it started a while ago, and if I don’t engage it is going to be gone before I know it.

         I’m thankful that I know where this desire comes from.  I was created to be a part of the most beautiful and rich story there is.  My soul knows there is more to this life than simple happiness and shallow wants.  There is a life abundant, a fullness, that deep down in our innermost beings we recognize and crave beyond anything else. 

        Dissatisfaction with life may mean that we aren’t engaging in the story in the way we should.  Or maybe we are just in one of those chapters that builds up to something really thrilling.  Those are important parts of stories.  All I know is that our understanding of life and purpose changes when we start viewing it all through the lens of story.  The significance of our life will be determined by the story we let God tell through us.  Often we try to write the story ourselves, trying to get a sneak peek into what comes in the following chapters.  We have to trust the Divine Storyteller to do His thing.  He will never disappoint.  He will write the story of your life and it will be a story worth telling.  Trust Him, and you will live a life of unrepeatable, magical, suspenseful story.

Growing Pains

If you were to ask me (and lets just pretend you are) what God is teaching me right now, it would be without any hesitation the one word dependence.

In our journey of faith, this concept of dependence runs as far as possible from parallel to what is glorified in our culture.  In our world the goal of growing up is to be able to take care of oneself, no longer depending on a parent or caretaker.  We struggle with vulnerability and relationships in general because it requires letting someone else carry our burden, letting someone else into our deep and secret places.

I have often falsely believed that growing in my faith and as a Christian would make me less dependent.  I strive for independence in every area of life and quite honestly, dependence is just quite inconvenient.

Here I am, age 25, and incredibly dependent in many ways.  Financially dependent, emotionally dependent, spiritually dependent.  And while normal life will hopefully someday lead me to be independent in some ways, I am realizing more and more that spiritual independence is not a thing.  It doesn’t exist.

As we grow in our faith, we are more and more dependent on God.  We are children – constantly functioning as children – and He is delighted to be our Father, our caretaker.

The Bethel song “I Need You More” speaks this beautifully:

I need you more, more than yesterday

I need you more, more than words can say

I need you more, than ever before

I need you Lord, I need you Lord.

More than the air that I breathe

More than the song I sing

More than the next heartbeat

More than anything

Lord as time goes by

I’ll be by your side

‘Cause I never want to go back to my old life

Proof of growing in our faith isn’t shown by needing God less. It is a Benjamin Button backwards growth of needing Him more and more and more. 
For me right now it feels like growing pains; I want to grow out of this phase and be independent.  I want to be able to take care of myself.  It might be one of my strongest human desires.  But it isn’t going to happen.

Our perspective and understanding need to change from a desire for independence to a gratefulness for a God who wants to take care of us.  His heart for us wants us to come to Him with our needs and desires.  He desires to take care of us, to welcome us into His presence – deeper and deeper. 

We will always need our spiritual training wheels.  Luckily, even when we try to ride on our own without them, we have a Father who runs right next to us, ready to catch us whenever we fall.

Quarter of a Century: What I've Learned at 25

Today I turn 25.  Surviving a quarter of a century qualifies me as a wise old owl, right?

I'm finding the truth in the saying the older you get the less you know.  

As I reflect back on my 24^th year (and all of them, really), there are just a few things I can tell you.

Lesson 1:

Being a twenty-something sucks is really hard sometimes.

I’m gonna start with the somewhat negative. (it’s my birthday, I can do whatever I want.) 

Looking back on my years since graduating college, I can say I was ill-prepared.  I am not blaming my undergrad (Lord knows they’ve been getting too much hate recently), I just think that as a whole twenty-somethings aren’t really told about what to expect when they throw their graduation cap in the air and move on with their lives.

I’ve enjoyed the past few years.  But they have had more than their fill of challenges, struggles and disappointments.

Things like paying bills.  And that the only mail you get anymore is credit card applications.  You have to start thinking about car insurance and medical plans and ask questions like, “If a payment is going to be taken out of my bank account, but the money is not there – what happens?”  (real questions, people.)

The community that is practically forced upon you in college? It is very rare in the outside world we call “reality.”

Rarely in life do you ever get that kind of opportunity to be surrounded by people your age who you are quite literally living life with.  Suddenly you are fending for yourself out in a scary world.

Sometimes God provides miracles in this area.  Literally two nights ago I went to a campus event solely for the free pizza and ended up meeting six incredible new friends who I am thrilled about.  So the real lesson?  God is good, even when the twenties aren't.

Ok, enough complaining.  Lesson two:

People are all that matter.

Somehow the twenties have become the time to “be irresponsible.”  “Go out, make mistakes, travel the world, do stupid things!” is shouted at us and for those of us who decide we don’t have the money to backpack around Europe or we’d rather get a job, guilt is often piled on.

I had a beautiful conversation with some friends last week who are all in the process of moving back home.  We are two years out of college and we find ourselves not desiring a life of wandering and sightseeing but to simply be with those we love.  We came to the conclusion that if today was our last day, our regret wouldn’t be not seeing enough of the world.  And if we found out we only had a month left to live, we would run straight in the direction of home.

Family is an absolute treasure, one that I have taken for granted for far too long.  I’m 25, old and wise, and I’m telling you that the Eiffel Tower and the Great Wall can’t hold a candle to a night of Bocce Ball and ice cream with my brothers and parents. 

Each season of life that passes teaches me that people are really all that matter.  I don’t need to see Ireland when I have spent time with Antioch interns.  I don’t need to go to the Caribbean when I’ve lived with amazing Gordon students.  I don’t need to try and make it on my own when home beckons me back with a backyard swing and my sweet Mama’s embrace.

There is nothing wrong with traveling the world.  Often that is a God-given desire.  Just don’t take the people around you for granted.  The times we are reminded of the brevity of life is not when we didn’t make it to all fifty states – it is when someone we loved leaves too soon.  Love people with all you’ve got; risk everything for the humans God puts along your path.  There is no loss in that; it is a life worth living.

Lesson three: 

Trust is really hard, but really good.

If you have read my blog in the past year, you know that trust has been the most major lesson for me.  When I turned twenty-four, I don’t even think I realized that trust was an issue in my life.  But learning to depend wholly on God changed my life.  And being vulnerable and opening up to people?  Brings JOY that I never imagined.

I’m making this my mantra: “The LORD is my portion.”

He is all I have, and therefore I have everything I could need.  When the stress of being a twenty-something incredibly poor graduate student weighs down on my shoulders, I remember the God who fights for me and who has proven Himself faithful time.after.time. 

Other random thoughts before we say goodbye:

Worrying? Pointless. (But I do a lot of it.)

Planning? Also somewhat pointless.  God’s plans are better. (But I still do a lot of that too.)

Online dating? Haven’t tried that one yet.
A life centered around seeking Jesus and understanding His love for me is really all I want mine to be.  I think when that is the goal, all the details will fall into place. 
Sometimes writing a thesis leads you to really cool quotes like this one. I'll leave you with this:

"Long before any human being saw us, we are seen by God's loving eyes.  Long before anyone heard us cry or laugh, we are heard by our God who is all ears for us.  Long before any person spoke to us in this world, we are spoken to by the voice of eternal love.  Our preciousness, uniqueness and individuality are not given to us by those who meet us in clock-time - our brief chronological existence - but by the One who has chosen us with an everlasting love, a love that existed from all eternity and will last through all eternity."      [Henri Nouwen, Life of the Beloved]

Also for your viewing pleasure, me at 5 years old:

Cheers to Twenty-Five,

Kal.