Friends, I am feeling like I kind of stink at this blogging thing...since I haven’t posted anything in weeks.  Here’s the thing, though, I have written like four or five blog posts. I just don’t post them.  It is a mix of insecurity and vulnerability and feeling like I am not writing anything worthy of your time.  But God speaks in mysterious ways and this is something from a book I’m reading for class that stuck out to me this week:

“A notable literary man has said that a good way to learn is to study, a better to listen, and the best to teach.”

I’m still figuring out what this blog is.  Is it just a recap of my day to day?  Is it what God wants to teach me and you? Hopefully all that overlaps.  But basically what I’m trying to say is, I’m “teaching” – by sharing – so that I can learn…

As you know it is the season of Lent.  A few things I decided to dedicate my time to during this season (as it is not only a time for giving up habits, but for picking up better ones!) are memorizing Scripture and praying for people that…well, let’s just say, my heart doesn’t exactly want to pray for.  Yesterday I read the story in Luke 5:1-11 of Jesus taking His disciples out fishing in the same spot they had fished all night with no results.  “Master, we toiled all night and took nothing! But at your word I will let down the nets,” Simon Peter says.  Jesus, of course, not only fills their nets with fish but fills two boats so they are sinking.  Abundant blessings, yeah?  He falls down at Jesus feet, repenting (in a boat filled with fish!).  Jesus tells them that they are from now on, “Catching men.”  (A fishing analogy – Jesus is relatable.)  I love the end of this passage – “They left everything and followed Him.”  If this story was written in Mark, I think it would say, “immediately.” 

My Beatitude for the day (which is what I’m memorizing – you should too!)  was verse eight, “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.”  The amazing thing about memorizing these Beatitudes is each day I find it relates to my life in some overwhelmingly humbling way and God is just so faithful.  All that to preface this….

here’s a little bit of learning, straight from my prayer journal (eeek):

It’s been five or six years since I have even seen or spoken to her. But pain runs deep.  And time doesn’t heal all wounds unless we surrender the pain, unless we stop holding onto it so tightly as if it defines us.  As if without it we’d be nothing.  When in truth, it gives the devil power – this pain – over us.  It lets evil and darkness seep into our hearts so they are no longer pure – and we no longer see God (Matthew 5:8!).

Forgiveness.  It is like a cleansing of our heart.  It is like washing layers and layers off a car until it finally shines clean through.  Forgiveness.  Like lifting the heaviness that’s been weighing us down so we are free to jump up and follow Him (Luke 5:11!).

Wow, God.  These words – I feel like You are the one writing them, teaching me through my own hand.  I want to forgive.  I haven’t even really given time to this hurt; I have kept it, balling up my fists and holding it tightly and for what reason?  Why do we choose to hold onto the things that weigh us down?  There is no gain, only lack of light.  Le there be light, let the layers of dirt – hatred, pain, anger, jealousy – be washed away by Your love that I might see you.  Because “darkness is as light to You” – it is nothing, it holds no weight, no power in comparison to You.

I hope the connections are clear…in my pain and resentment, in my hesitation to forgive, God speaks – in Beatitudes, in fishing stories…He always teaches.

May today your heart be pure – so you can see God.  May you feel the power of forgiveness in your life, lifting that big burden off your shoulders so you can freely follow Him.  Blessings, friends.