I’m not sure I’m as fun as I used to
be.
I was reminded of a ridiculously goofy
and spontaneous thing I did back in college, and after reliving those moments I
sighed to myself, “I’m not fun anymore.”
I used to be a ‘yes-girl’. I would say yes to most things people asked of
me. I remember my freshman year of
college, a friend from down the hall sticking her head in my door at 11 at
night and inviting me to Denny’s. I said, of course, “Yes I’ll come” to which
she responded, “I knew you would say yes! You always say yes!”
I realized in that moment that what
she was saying as a good thing was probably a dangerous thing. So I started being more aware of my
yes’s. Which is healthy and good. But I think I have swung to the other extreme
of the pendulum and become a ‘no-girl’.
Which I don’t really want to be either.
I know I am (probably) past the days
of dressing up in neon windbreakers and going to Coldstone or ding-dong
ditching the president of my college (don’t worry, we were leaving him flowers
and an invitation), but I just feel like I have suppressed my adventurous
side. I think I have let responsibility
overtake my passion and practicing what Mark Batterson calls, “irresponsible
responsibility”.
I haven’t visited my best friend in North
Carolina because I don’t have the money.
Which is true, and when you lose your job you don’t really get to go buy
plane tickets (but come on, its my chance to be the star of my own Nicholas
Sparks movie!). But that kind of
thinking can lead to turning down all kinds of adventures and passions and
dreams just because it seems like the responsible thing to do. We turn responsibility into an excuse.
Jesus asked a whole lot of people to
drop what seemed responsible to them and follow Him in a way that probably seemed
irresponsible and downright stupid. And
some people said no. The rich young
ruler said no. And that is all that was
ever written about him.
Those that said yes, well they lived
adventurous, risky, crazy lives that probably scared them on the daily. But
they came out of it not only with amazing stories to tell of miracles,
healings, and storms being calmed, but with a great love and close friendship
with the Lord of Heaven and earth. They
could say they really knew Jesus.
I don’t want to get to the end of my
life and realize I said no to some of the scary amazing adventures that Jesus
offered to me. I don’t want my
gravestone to say, “well, at least she was responsible.”
I don’t want to live irresponsibly, or
irresponsibly responsibly. There is
wisdom and discernment required in knowing which is which.
All I know is that the life God wants
and plans for me, is full of adventure and mystery. And I don’t want to miss out on any of it.
Because He tells me, “We have something SO GOOD planned for you.”
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