Your Adventurous Life

(that title is an inside joke for Gordon students - ha. ha. eye roll.)

I’m not sure I’m as fun as I used to be.

I was reminded of a ridiculously goofy and spontaneous thing I did back in college, and after reliving those moments I sighed to myself, “I’m not fun anymore.”

I used to be a ‘yes-girl’.  I would say yes to most things people asked of me.  I remember my freshman year of college, a friend from down the hall sticking her head in my door at 11 at night and inviting me to Denny’s. I said, of course, “Yes I’ll come” to which she responded, “I knew you would say yes! You always say yes!”

I realized in that moment that what she was saying as a good thing was probably a dangerous thing.  So I started being more aware of my yes’s.  Which is healthy and good.  But I think I have swung to the other extreme of the pendulum and become a ‘no-girl’.  Which I don’t really want to be either.

I know I am (probably) past the days of dressing up in neon windbreakers and going to Coldstone or ding-dong ditching the president of my college (don’t worry, we were leaving him flowers and an invitation), but I just feel like I have suppressed my adventurous side.  I think I have let responsibility overtake my passion and practicing what Mark Batterson calls, “irresponsible responsibility”.

 I haven’t visited my best friend in North Carolina because I don’t have the money.  Which is true, and when you lose your job you don’t really get to go buy plane tickets (but come on, its my chance to be the star of my own Nicholas Sparks movie!).  But that kind of thinking can lead to turning down all kinds of adventures and passions and dreams just because it seems like the responsible thing to do.  We turn responsibility into an excuse.

Jesus asked a whole lot of people to drop what seemed responsible to them and follow Him in a way that probably seemed irresponsible and downright stupid.  And some people said no.  The rich young ruler said no.  And that is all that was ever written about him.

Those that said yes, well they lived adventurous, risky, crazy lives that probably scared them on the daily. But they came out of it not only with amazing stories to tell of miracles, healings, and storms being calmed, but with a great love and close friendship with the Lord of Heaven and earth.  They could say they really knew Jesus.

I don’t want to get to the end of my life and realize I said no to some of the scary amazing adventures that Jesus offered to me.  I don’t want my gravestone to say, “well, at least she was responsible.”

I don’t want to live irresponsibly, or irresponsibly responsibly.  There is wisdom and discernment required in knowing which is which. 

All I know is that the life God wants and plans for me, is full of adventure and mystery.  And I don’t want to miss out on any of it.

Because He tells me, “We have something SO GOOD planned for you.”

"Create In Me"

My lovely aunt sent me the new Rend Collective cd, and I have jumped on the bandwagon…

One of the songs is particularly speaking to my heart right now. (It is at the bottom for you to listen to.)

It starts with this:
Create in me a clean, clean heart

Create in me a work of art

Create in me a miracle

Something real and something beautiful

I heard it in a moment where I was just overwhelmed by my desire for a clean heart bur also the reality of how dirty it really is.

I feel the heaviness of my selfishness, my anger, my hurt.  Life isn’t easy and we all hurt each other. I’ve been hurt and so out of that I hurt others.  I want life to be easy and it just isn’t most of the time.  I just want to know how to have a clean heart in a world where our hearts are all pretty mud-covered.

This song comes from Psalm 51:10, which says, “Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.” (NIV)  Some versions use, in the place of steadfast, words like loyal, right, resolute, or faithful.

It seems pretty impossible.  Life seems to bring new challenges and frustrations around every corner.  How is it possible for us to have a clean and pure heart?  Are we capable of being loyal and right and faithful? It doesn’t seem like a really realistic goal.

But the song continues:

You’re not finished with me yet

By Your power I can change, I can change

Because You’re not finished with me yet

It is an impossible goal, by ourselves.  But when we truly submit and surrender to God’s voice and leading in our lives, oh He is not finished with us yet.  He can change our hearts by His power.  I’ve seen it, I’ve experienced it…I am experiencing it currently!  Little by little I am trying to loosen my grip on my ugliness (because sometimes it is weirdly hard to let go of) and release it into His control. I am trying to let Him redeem the ugliness and dirtiness of my heart.

And another song comes on and says right at this perfect moment, “It’s only in surrender that I am truly free…I am free”

He is not finished with you yet – Paul reminds us of this in Philippians 1:6, “He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”

He is never finished with us.  And through His work in our lives we find freedom.  Thank.the.Lord.

Rebuilt and Renamed

This past week I had to give a presentation on my “formational journey” in one of my classes.  It is as terrifyingly personal as it sounds, and even though there are only twelve of us in the class, each who I know well and am comfortable with, I was still incredibly nervous.

It ended up being very powerful, and I thought, why not write it out!?

I shared some of my backstory; my life before I got to seminary. I shared the struggles of my first semester, adjusting to life without 6 apartment-mates, a painful loss in our family, and getting used to life on my own.  And then I shared my narrative, or the statement or overlying belief that I have held about myself for my entire life.

My narrative was that I believed I was insignificant and forgettable.

I shared the way my personality and my relationships have fed into this.  The way the devil has spoken lies to me, convincing me that if people felt this way about me, well, then God must view me as insignificant as well. 

I shared my testimony at camp the summer after my sophomore year of college, and I said those very words.  I knew that I felt that way, but I had never asked God if it was true. I had never processed it and opened myself up to God healing these wounds and replacing my narrative.

That is what Christianity is all about.  It is about a God who loves a broken world, a world full of people believing lies about themselves, and wanting so badly to replace those lies with the truth.  The truth that we are loved, cherished, treasured, wanted, worthy, enough.

Do you believe it? Do you actually believe that God loves you? The song makes us think we do. Jesus loves me, this I know.

That is the gospel. That is what we live for.  But do we believe it? Do we know it?
I definitely didn’t.

So, I’ve lived with this false belief. It is what we in the soul care family call a “false self”.  The broken and untrue things about ourselves that we take on as our identity, instead of living into the truth of who God says we are.

So through my semesters, I have learned to believe that I am loved by God.  I can trust God. 

For our presentations, we had to include the “new name” that God has given us.  This idea comes from Revelations 2:17 where it is explained that when life ends and we are with God in Heaven, we will receive a new name. As we grow in our relationship with God in this lifetime, however, He also desires to rename us and replace our false narratives.

This happened for me when I went to that retreat in January.  The one right after I lost my job and I felt like I was on the edge of losing my sanity along with it.  The place where God brought me to rest, to just be with Him and know that it was enough.  I was enough.

At one point we went into a time of prayer, and I pictured myself sitting in front of Jesus, leaning back,  on His chest. I felt Jesus say to me, “I treasure you.”  And He repeated it over and over to me, until tears rolled down my face.  Not only did He love me, but He treasured me.

For the fun of it, I googled “treasure” while I prepared my presentation.  The definition I found said this: “Treasure is a concentration of riches, often one which is considered lost or forgotten until being rediscovered.”

I was amazed by the stark contrast between what I had believed about myself, that I was forgettable and insignificant, and what God said was true about me, that I was a treasure.  A precious gem. His pearl of great price.

One of the people in my class shared these verses with me afterwards:
Isaiah 54:11-12:

“Afflicted city, lashed by storms and not comforted,
    I will rebuild you with stones of turquoise,
    your foundations with lapis lazuli.
 I will make your battlements of rubies,
    your gates of sparkling jewels,
    and all your walls of precious stones."

I loved all the references to stones and jewels…but what I loved most was that this afflicted city (me) was being rebuilt.  Yes, we are broken people.  But God loves redeeming.  He loves restoring and rebuilding.  And when we allow Him to restore us, we become a treasure of worth beyond compare.

Allow Him to speak truth to you.  Think about how you view yourself, what your narrative might be.  And ask Him what He thinks of you.  I guarantee you’ll be transformed and restored by what you hear. That is worth more than a LIFETIME of days of gratitude (: 

31 Days of Gratitude [day seven]

I love when everything comes back around.

I was planning for my middle school small group and it was a lesson on emotions.  And the book we’re using said, “Make a conscious effort to replace stressful thoughts with prayer, scripture, or praise songs.”

A few weeks ago we talked about insecurity, and it said, “If your heart is filled with peace and thankfulness, then there’ll be no room for insecurity.”

Basically, when we replace the negative thoughts in our head with thoughts of thanksgiving, our world changes. It doesn't make bad life situations go away, but it helps us be present in the moment and attentive to the beauty all around us.

And I just smiled, because it is all just really simple.  All JOY requires is for us to shift our perspective and fill our hearts and heads with thanksgiving instead of jealousy, anxiety, frustration, insecurity, confusion, and the list. goes. on.

That is what 31 days of gratitude is all about.  It is a perspective change.  Start focusing on the good instead of the bad and soon the little annoyances will really seem little. All is well.

Some extra challenges that amazing friends have suggested just in the first few days –

Pray for the amount of people that matches the date.  (You think you can’t think of 500 people? Go through your Facebook friends. I dare you. Start with people you don’t like! That will change your heart.)

Psalm a day.  Start with Psalm 100. Right now:

Make a joyful noise to the Lord, all the earth!
     Serve the Lord with gladness!
    Come into his presence with singing!
Know that the Lord, he is God!
    It is he who made us, and we are his;
    we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture.
 Enter his gates with thanksgiving,
    and his courts with praise!
    Give thanks to him; bless his name!
 For the Lord is good;
    his steadfast love endures for ever,
    and his faithfulness to all generations.

The only way to change is to make a change. So if you are frustrated with life, feel like you are missing something…give this a try. Its not too late to join us. 

31 Days of Gratitude

"But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ."

1 Corinthians 15:57

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." Philippians 4:6