Retreats and Rocking Chairs

These unemployed weeks have been interesting.  I had the chance to go on a weeklong retreat/class and it was the most perfect timing.  I was surrounded by people who get me.  We stayed at a beautiful place where there are rocking chairs that look out on the mountains, a constantly burning fireplace, and delicious meals that I didn’t have to cook or clean up.  It was exactly what I needed.  I got to turn my phone off for days and not even use my computer; I was unplugged and removed from ‘reality’. 

It reminded me of when my friends and I used to go to Young Life camp in high school.  We had the amazing privilege of going to Malibu, a camp in Canada that was on its own island and is pretty much how I picture Heaven.  I remember sitting with one of my best friends on this bench we found, overlooking the ocean with the mountains in the distance, and we felt like we were frozen in time looking out on our lives.  It gave us the space and distance from daily life to really pull back and see life for what it was.  Sometimes when you are so caught up in it all, its hard to find any clarity.

Last week at the retreat center was the same for me.  God created space for me to slow down.  And in the middle of it I journaled this: “What about this crazy idea – That maybe losing my job was a good thing and it was Your plan so that I would have more time for You?  More time to be slow and still and silent…to hear You and know You.  Not for answers but just to be with You. What about that?”

The more I thought about it, the more it made sense.  I’m a ‘doer’.  No matter what, I will find a way to fill my schedule and therefore feel a purpose.  Finally God said, “Fine! You won’t make time? I’ll make it for you.”  I actually don’t think He would say it that way.  It would be more like, “I will do for you what you are unwilling to do for yourself.  I will set you free and give you space that you don’t believe you’re allowed to have.”  Because He is a God of redemption and deep love, and likes to give us gifts that maybe aren’t tied up with a pretty red ribbon, but are still pretty great.

So I got to experience that kind of space while I sat on a rocking chair with the mountain wind (which really closely competes with the greatness of ocean wind) and had the chance to just…Be.

In the everyday hurried pace of life we need to create a place and space to become aware of Him.  It is amazing what you will see and hear and experience when you just slow down.  I think a rocking chair is a good picture of life.  No matter how hard you push, the chair will never move forward. You will never make any progress on your own.  If you were attempting to use a rocking chair as a vehicle, you would get frustrated really quickly.  But if you just sit in a rocking chair for the joy of being there, it’s incredibly relaxing and you never know what you just might see.

The point is slow down.  Make space for God to speak into your life, and He will.  Or else He just might have to make the space for you (:
Isaiah 30:15 - "In returning and rest you will be saved, in quietness and trust is your strength."

Rocking chairs = love

 The Hideaway in Monument, CO

A Surprising Life

I am thankful that I serve and follow a God who is never surprised.  When something comes and turns my world upside down, I am glad to know that God isn’t shocked by that. 

My world was turned upside down this past week by an email telling me that in three days I would be done working as a nanny.  It was an ugly situation and honestly I’m tired of rehashing the details.  I could complain and badmouth all day long, but there is nothing rewarding or helpful in that.

In any situation we find ourselves in, we can choose to look at it from one of two perspectives.  One, we can look from the human eye.  We can say, “Wow, this stinks.  How can someone treat me this way? What did I do to deserve this?  Why is life unfair?” Or, we can look through God’s eye.  We can see that nothing is unplanned with Him.  Everything has a reason and a purpose, whether we can see it now or not.  We can see that even in a shocking situation, He has been preparing us all along.

Remember all those thoughts and words about trust? I have been thinking and writing about that idea a whole lot.  I was asked by many people last semester, “Do you trust God?” 

God surprises us often but He is never surprised.  He knew I would wake up Sunday morning to a shocking email.  He knew I would call my Mom crying and she would offer words of wisdom.  He knew I would listen to words of a song that would remind me, “You never fail, and You won’t start now.” 

I’m in the midst of the mystery and I know that soon I will see His plan unfolding and understand the reasons why.  I will understand why He let my job be taken from me so unexpectedly. 
I have no choice but to trust Him.  That is always true, but I am just now learning it.  When life is comfortable and our needs are met, we can trick ourselves into thinking that either we are trusting Him when really we are trusting ourselves, or, that we do not really need to trust Him.  When comfort is removed - when the rug is pulled out from underneath - there is only one choice. 

And what is found there?  Freedom!  Suddenly my life is out of my hands.  I have no control over my destiny.  I have no idea what is coming next.  And that is okay.  Because I am choosing to trust that God is not surprised.  That He is always planning ahead.  That this is a divine disruption in my life that is going to lead to bigger and better things.

This truth was spoken to me this week: “God often takes away before He gives.”  God often demands us to give everything away before He provides.  If He had provided my next job before taking away this one, I would not have been forced to trust Him.  I would not be learning the lessons I am learning now.

In Joshua 3:8, God tells the priests of the Israelites to go stand in the Jordan River.  In verse 13, God tells them that as soon as they stand in the river He will part it for them.

Mark Batterson talks about the importance of this in his book, “Wild Goose Chase”.  He says, “I think this was a spiritual test.  I think God wanted to see if the priests had enough faith to get their feet wet. And if they were willing to take that first step of faith, then He would miraculously part the Jordan River” (pg. 31). 

I’m not claiming that I am an example of taking a step of faith.  In fact, if it were written like my story it would have to say something like, “And the priests refused to step into the river, so God forcibly pushed them in till they were soaked.” 

The lesson is that in our loss God shows up.  We can trust that He is not surprised by what surprises us.  My Dad so wisely reminded me that every detail of our lives is filtered through the hands of God.  Nothing that happens to us is out of His control.  There is a strange comfort in that.

I am not writing this with my next job lined up.  I haven’t experienced the fulfillment of the plan or the miracle.  I am in the middle of loss and pain, and just want to share the lessons being learned.  Life doesn’t happen the way we expect it to, and that is for our best. 

In the tough and ugly times of life, we learn to trust God. 

When the car battery is dead, we can trust God. 

When we find out we will have find a new home soon, we can trust God. 

When someone close to us dies, we can trust God.

When a job is lost unexpectedly, we can trust God.

There is already a long list of things going wrong in 2014 for people I know.  But we are all choosing to trust that God works all things together for good. 

My favorite verse says:

“Therefore, we do not lose heart.  Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.  For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.” 2 Corinthians 4:16-17

I am realizing that choosing to follow and trust God means becoming okay with a life that will surprise me.  We have to "plan to be surprised" daily by God, because His surprises are so much better than our plans. 

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