Learning to Trust

I’m about halfway through my Master’s program.  Considering how quickly the first half flew by, I feel like I am going to be wearing that hideous graduation cap before I know it.  And that my friends, is terrifying.

Most graduate programs seem to focus in on a career path, so that by the time you graduate it is clear where you will be working.  My program however, is somewhat broad and lends itself to many different areas of work.  This results in a blank stare on my face and a response of "...uhhh..." when anyone asks, “So, what are you going to do when you graduate?”

It is tempting to start hyper-ventilating and run into a corner because I do not really have a clear answer to that question at all.  And then one day I met with my advisor who has that scary gift of seeing into my soul and asks the questions beneath the emotions… “Is this a trust issue?  Do you trust God?”

Let me be honest with you and tell you I was an immediate waterfall of tears because I knew she was right.  Do I trust God?  It is easy to say that I do, but when I really think about it…when it really comes down to it...do I trust that He cares about me? Do I trust that He has a plan for my life?  Do I trust that His plan is better than mine, even if it may involve some waiting and some detours that I would not choose?

I read a devotional a while back that explained how opals become the beautiful, reflective stones we know them to be.  They start out as dust and sand, and over time become a beautiful mineral. Air can enter into the stone because of its many cracks, which then refracts the light. Basically, because of its brokenness, it shines.

“You are only conscious of the cracks and desert sand, but so He makes His precious opals…We must be broken in ourselves before we can give back the lovely hues of His light, and the lamp of the Temple can burn in us and never go out.” – Ellice Hopkins

We don’t know what or who God is preparing us to be, but we can trust that He cares about us and has a plan.  He created the earth so that beautiful minerals can come out of dust – I think He can probably make something beautiful out of us too.

God often plants his flowers among rough rocks.
I often think back to one small but pivotal moment in my life, when I was 15.  I was in the midst of my freshman year of high school, hating every second of it.  I remember complaining to my Mom about something, probably mean girls or stupid boys, and she said, “Flowers grow best in dirt.”  It was so simple, but so true.  Just like a flower can't expect to grow in a pile of fluffy cotton balls, we won't see much growth unless we are firmly rooted in some hard stuff.

“God often plants his flowers among rough rocks.”  You may be growing in rocky soil right now, but God knows what He is doing.  And through the doubts, the dust, and the rocks, He is calling you to trust.

The Other Side

I woke up the other morning to an email from my library. Overdue book.  Two weeks overdue.

And even if you calculate out the fine, that’s really not that bad.  That should never be enough to push me over the edge, but it was the final pull at an already teetering jenga game. 

I felt overwhelmed with life.  With my job, commitments, papers already being due, finding out I was already behind in some classes, and so on.  Does life ever pile up and feel like a mountain you can’t climb?  And even when life looks and feels happy, its all these little things that can add up to some bigger feeling like: I am not capable.  I can’t do it.  I won’t succeed.

What do we do with these lies that the devil tells us? 

I keep getting this picture in my mind…I am carrying everything, my papers, my job stress, my plans for the future, and it is teetering and I am trying to juggle it all…and I come to the cross.  And one by one, I set each of them down.  I place all my school work at the foot of the cross.  I lay down my worries for the future.  (I put the overdue book there, too).  My job, my ministries, my relationships, everything.  And then I leave them there.  It is easy to say we are going to lay down our burdens, but don't we often just pick them right back up again?

But this time, its permanent.  I put them down on the ground, and then I walk to the other side of the cross.

Ever thought about the other side of the cross? 

For me this illustrates freedom.  Freedom to walk in the salvation that Jesus bought for us.  Freedom to leave our worries and burdens and continue on lighthearted.

I picture us walking in this freedom while Jesus says, “Come to me, all you who are heavy burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”  (Matthew 11:28-30).

I felt guilty at first.  Jesus…you already had to carry the weight of the world’s sin on your shoulders, how can I ask you to carry more? 

But He wants to take all of it.  That is why He died.  So that we could leave all our heaviness and walk lightly into freedom.  He is capable of carrying it all for us.  He wants to take our burden, and give us the ability to run, dance, frolic, skip, whatever – in the bright light of the Son on the freedom side of the cross. 

The art of waiting

I’ve been thinking a lot about the concept of waiting.  I, like so many I know, are in this strange transition period of life. This time we call…the twenties.

Not all people in other age groups are free from seasons of waiting.  In fact, most of life may be a waiting period.  As Christians, we could really view our whole lives as waiting seasons.  We are always waiting, always longing, for our reunion with Christ.  Our hearts are never fully satisfied until the day when we see Him face to face.  That is why no matter how perfect our life may be here, we always long for more.

That word…longing…I’ve never really thought much about it before.  Until I read this: “God’s delay in answering the prayer of our longing heart is the most loving thing God can do.”

WHAT.

The most loving thing He can do?  The most loving thing He, the Creator of the Universe, can do is to make me wait? 

On the flip side: “Our waiting may be the most difficult thing we can do; it may be the severest test that God can give us.”

I really don’t love waiting. It is not one of my favorite pastimes, it is not necessarily one of my strengths.  But where I am at right now, I am trying to figure out how to wait well.  How can I honor God in my waiting? 

We can rest in this: God’s plan is perfect.  His timing is perfect.

John Macbeath said this:

“Take this text with you into the future, take it into today’s experience: ‘Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid…I go to prepare a place for you.’  He is out in the world doing it.  He will be there before you.  He will bring you to your appointed place, and you will find your appointed resources.  You will discover His insight, His oversight, and His foresight.  You may not always see Him, but you can walk by faith in the dark if you know that He sees you, and you can sing as you journey, even through the night.”

Even when I feel stuck, like my dreams are on hold, or I'm lost and my life is directionless…He goes before me.  Even when I am anxious to adventure, but feel Him calling me to wait…He has perfect plans.  And in the meantime, He is with me now.   He is not somewhere out there (cue ‘Fievel’) waiting for me to catch up.  Even in my messy, boring, mundane, everyday-ness, He is keeping me company.  And you too.  And somehow, maybe, we can rest – and wait – in that.