Why Church Makes Me Cry

So I think I’ve found my Denver church home.  Pretty exciting!  A friend described finding your church as that overwhelming sense of being “home.”  I feel that there.  What is neat is that it is a new campus, a satellite campus, of a church here that was growing and growing and needing to expand.  So Easter Sunday was the grand opening, and that was my first Sunday there too.  So I feel like I am a part of it in this special way; I feel connected already in that we are all starting new together.

And I feel it, every week - that sense of being home.

 And every week, I cry.  I cry during a worship song, or the sermon, or even sometimes something they say during the announcements brings tears to my eyes. 

And it’s not the only church that has made me cry – in fact, I probably cry more in church services than anywhere else.  My best friend and Mom can attest to this.  So on Sunday, as we sang, “there is love, that is as strong as death…” and tears filled my eyes, I stopped and wondered why.  Why does church always make me cry?  And this C.S. Lewis quote immediately came to mind:  

"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world."

By “other world”, to me he obviously means Heaven.  We know as Christians that this world, this life, is filled with heartache, loneliness, hurt, pain, the list goes on… and only in Heaven will we be fulfilled and experience true fullness of JOY and perfect peace.  And this sadness, heartache, tears – what it really is – is homesickness.  For my real home.  So why do my tears flow like rivers every time I am in church?

Because it is a gathering of believers, of followers of Jesus.  A group of people coming together for the sole purpose of worshipping the LORD and drawing near to Him. 

It is the closest experience to Heaven that we can have here on earth!

So my tears come because its almost like my soul is reminded of what her real home is like…a place where she internally knows she is meant to be.  That no matter how great this one is, I’m meant for something (or some-place) more.

Romans 8:23 says, “We ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies.”

Meaning, we who have put our faith in God’s saving Love have an inward thirst that cannot be quenched until we are adopted into His family and brought to our new home.  The surrounding passage in Romans 8 uses the analogy of pregnancy.  In The Message translation, Romans 8:22-25 says this,

“All around us we observe a pregnant creation. The difficult times of pain throughout the world are simply birth pangs. But it's not only around us; it's within us. The Spirit of God is arousing us within. We're also feeling the birth pangs. These sterile and barren bodies of ours are yearning for full deliverance. That is why waiting does not diminish us, any more than waiting diminishes a pregnant mother. We are enlarged in the waiting. We, of course, don't see what is enlarging us. But the longer we wait, the larger we become, and the more joyful our expectancy.”

I’ll admit – that is a pretty visual analogy…but so true!  Just as with each new day a pregnant woman is longing more and more to see her new child, so we should feel a desire to be reunited with our Heavenly Father and eternal family.  And I think I feel that each time I’m in church worshipping with a small part of that family.

And then I just sit and imagine it…when we are all reunited there with Him – millions and billions of Christians joining together in the greatest worship service ever – and that inward longing and desire will be fulfilled….won’t that be full of JOY? J

Here is Brooke Frasier's song interpretation of the C.S. Lewis quote, take a minute and enjoy.

Caps and Gowns

In one of my first classes this semester, my professor said, “I want you to close your eyes and visualize yourself walking across that podium, shaking the hand of *insert college/grad school President’s name here* and receiving your diploma.  Who do you need to be when that day comes?”

I wish someone had said that to me three and a half years ago when I was a scared little freshman in college.  Or, even years before that when I walked into my high school for the first time.  By constantly being asked, “What do you want to do when you grow up/graduate?” an amazing amount of anxiety and expectation is piled on our shoulders.  Instead, if we are asked, “Who do you want to be?” we will be reminded of the true goal of life – to become the person we are created to be.  Life is about being, not doing (contrary to our society’s belief…). 

This involves the idea of vocation vs. career.  This is one of the passions of my heart – that people would discover their vocation, and therefore be able to do any career or any activity in a way that glorifies God and brings JOY to their heart. 

What are you going to do when you graduate?  I hate that question.  I’m willing to bet 95% of graduating seniors do too.  Coming from a Christian perspective, also, I believe that is the wrong question to be asking.

God doesn’t ask us to do, He wants us to be. 

Instead of stressing seniors (and all students, really) out about what career they want to go into or what jobs they are looking at, I believe we all need to back it up and ask the more foundational question. Who do you want to be?

It is this beautiful idea of vocation.  This term is so misunderstood, I think.  Some people think it is a synonym for career.  Some think it only applies to religious careers.  My personal understanding of this idea is becoming the person that God designed you to be.  Vocation is knowing yourself well enough so that you can better love God.  It is discerning the heart and passion that God has given you, so that you can then go on to become the person He created you to be no matter what career you end up in. 

I think if we focused more on helping students find their vocation rather than deciding on a career path, we would eliminate the “senior freak out” and all become more self-aware and God-honoring individuals.  We would be able to live out the calling that God has given each of us.

In one of my other classes, we talked about the idea of discernment.  We make so many decisions in our lives every day, but rarely do we discern what the Lord’s will is for any of those situations.  Discernment is an incredibly difficult and complicated thing that requires a ton of patience and trust, but my professor did make one point that is a great way to start.  She said that every time we try to discern something, we can ask, “Is this leading me to God?  Or leading me away from Him and more to myself?”  This is a fairly simple way to judge if we are making a good choice or not.  Only you and God know your intentions and motivations.  So, are you taking a job because God will be glorified by your passion and talent being well-used?  Or because it pays well and you will get recognition?

This is my encouragement to all of you, especially my sweet friends about to graduate.  If you know me well, you know I was an emotional wreck in my last semester of college.  Because I was so concerned with where I was going, what I was going to do…rather than who I was going to become.  The basic truth is, no matter where you go and what you do, God is working in and through you.  As long as you are listening for His voice and following His guidance, you can’t make a wrong decision.  It isn’t as if God can only go with you if you choose door 3 and not door 1 or 2.  Don’t you believe God is bigger than that? 

Think more about the person you want to become, rather than the career you want to do.  When you are becoming the you God designed – calling and careers will fall into place.  Vocation is where we need to start, and I think it is where we need to stay.  Knowing yourself for who God wants you to be is the only way to live a fulfilled and God-honoring life.  And there is so much peace when we accept the fact that God doesn’t hand us a map, instead He goes with us, before and behind us.

Seek JOY, friends.