Mountain Peaks and City Skylines

I have been here in Colorado for a week now! It is so crazy.  I have been planning and fearing it for so long, and here it is.  I was so blessed to be able to drive from Oregon to Denver with my Dad.  It was a great time of bonding and honest conversation; I am so thankful for a Dad who makes that possible.  It was a rough goodbye with my Mom, of course, but another reason I am thankful for goodbyes – they give you a chance (and often, force you) to be vulnerable and honest and tell people how you truly feel. I know my parents love me, but every goodbye just reinforces and expands that belief.   I feel that way about a lot of the goodbyes I have experienced lately, that I never would have known the depth of the love I had for them and vice versa.  Anyways, as we drove away from my home, I happened to notice the tip of a mountain peeking (“peak-ing” = punny, right?) out from behind the trees.  It was one of those weird moments where I just felt God’s peace and knew He was trying to show me something.  I thought maybe it was a picture of my life – that it is only the beginning, there is so much more to be seen.  Just like the small tip of the mountain, I have only seen the tip of what God is going to do in and through me.  I love that encouragement and reassurance from Him.

I also had the great blessing of seeing some wonderful friends along the way to Colorado – I am always blown away at the goodness of God when I am reunited with long distance friends.  It was a wonderful journey of encouragement and prayer and I enjoyed every minute of it.

We arrived Sunday night and moved all my stuff into my new room – I love it and I love the place I’m living in! The woman I am living with is awesome and I can tell already that she is going to be such a great influence in my life.  I had a few more days of quality time with my Dad before he left on Wednesday.  It was, as you could guess, nothing short of a tearful goodbye, but before we said goodbye, we went on an adventure to the Red Rocks Park (and amphitheater), which was so neat.  Basically it’s these huge red rocks (duhh) all around you, and there is a windy road and then a pathway that leads to this amazing amphitheater where apparently really amazing people perform during the summer months.

Something to look forward to!

But the highlight was when we stopped at a lookout point to pray together.  We could see the Denver skyline and the mountains and it was just one of those moments where you can hardly take it all in and you pray with your eyes open because God’s creation is singing His praise! I will never forget that sweet time of prayer with my Dad.

Friday was orientation at the school! I was pretty much terrified.  I had no idea what to expect, knew no one, and just felt so alone.  I prayed a simple prayer before I left, “God, can I just have one friend? I just want to meet one person that I can be friends with.”  You can probably see where this story is going, but I was still shocked by God’s faithfulness and His incredible ways of answering prayers.  I walked into the school, found my nametag, and entered the main room where there were tons of tables set up.  There was a girl about my age right in front of me, wandering the room looking for a table.  She turned to me and asked, “Do you have a table yet? Do you want to join me?” 

We sat and talked as a few other people joined us at our table.  Soon our table was filled with people ranging in age from 22 to 44, from different states, different backgrounds, all with amazing stories.  I was so blessed by the overwhelming feeling of community as we sat with strangers and shared our lives.  I ended the day by going out to dinner and seeing Beauty and the Beast (in 3D hehe) with my new friend!  She is a total blessing and, obviously, an answer to prayer. 

I forgot how exhilarating, rewarding, and nerve wracking it is to meet new people and make new friends.  It puts you in such a vulnerable state; ultimately, we all have that innate desire to be loved and accepted.  I have been reminded through this process of the ever-important concept that our worth and confidence cannot come from anyone other than God and His love for us.  When I begin a new friendship, I always worry that I am not fun enough, cool enough, mature enough.  All prior self-confidence vanishes so quickly and I am suddenly my sixth grade self, starting at a new middle school.  I find myself terrified of what other people will think of me, and trying to figure out the best way to impress and relate to people. 

Before I left for this new adventure, I met with one of my mentors, possibly the most incredible woman I know – and she prayed over me that I would give freedom to people around me.  That through my relationships, people would be free to be who they are, talk about where they’ve been and what they’ve done.  That they would know the freedom that comes from our relationship with Christ.  It was so powerful and motivating and, of course, God knew that exactly what she prayed for my relationships with others, is the lesson I personally was needing to learn from Him.  So I think “freedom” is my word for the year, maybe even what I will name 2012…  Because God calls us to be free – in Him we are New Creations, fearfully and wonderfully made in His image.  It is a shame to live this life in the bondage of insecurity and human comparison.  We need to be measuring ourselves vertically rather than horizontally!  So that is something I will be praying for, for myself and for all of you, dear friends – that we would experience the Freedom that comes from being loved and saved by the Creator of the world!

 Orientation at a new school is just a breeding ground for small talk and awkward beginnings, but the beauty is the unknown road ahead.  I think and hope that I found a great friend here during that awkward orientation.  One of the things I am most excited about for this journey is seeing how God answers prayers.  He answered a huge one when He brought a friend into my life.  He is only going to do more and greater things in the coming months, I just have this feeling. (:

What I have learned so far:

I’m  directionally challenged.

There are a billion Target stores here.

I love Colorado weather.

Gas is cheaper.

God is far greater than we can ever know or imagine.

He also has a sense of humor.

I can’t wait to get into my classes and meet more people.  I miss all of you, my dear friends across the country, but I have never been more sure that I am exactly where God wants me.

Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be JOYful in hope, Patient in affliction, Faithful in prayer.

Romans 12:11-12

Highs and Lows

I thought this might be a stereotypical blogger post, but I am a big fan of self-reflection and goal setting.  Ergo, a post about the highs and lows, lessons learned and JOYS celebrated in 2011. 

High: Nicaragua! The first memory that came to mind of 2011 was the lovely mission trip I had the great privilege of co-leading last spring break.  It was by far the most overwhelming, stretching, and rewarding process and I am eternally grateful for it.  Seeing the entire process of planning a trip, choosing a team, and taking that team to a Spanish speaking country was – well, nothing less than spectacular.  God brought together the most perfect group of people, and has since turned that team into some of my dearest friends.  Seeing the way He worked through each of them in our time there was a far greater blessing than I ever could have asked for.  Through that trip God taught me SO much about His faithfulness to me, and the rewards we will see if we put our trust in Him.

Low: I had my first ever cavity. Serious bummer.

High: Camp Living Water! I was also blessed with the opportunity to spend a second summer working at the greatest camp ever.  Out in gorgeous Wyoming, I was surrounded by God’s creation as well as some of His most wonderful people.  Our staff was incredible and some of them will be lifelong friends.  My campers were my highlight; I loved spending another summer building relationships with new and repeat campers.  I adore those girls beyond words, and was inspired by their honesty, vulnerability, and passion for the Lord. Forever grateful.

Low: I turned into a very emotional girl in 2011.  But this was a beautiful process, really.  I learned a lot about myself through this; I am a “recovering good girl” (www.chattingatthesky.com – ladies, read her book, Grace for the Good Girl, it’s wonderful) who hid behind the mask of “having it all together”.  I am a pro at handling other people’s problems but internalizing my own.  And during 2011, God put His foot down and said Enough.  I learned, when I finally trusted and opened up to others about my struggles and heartaches, that being vulnerable is lovely.  The whole idea of community is bearing each other’s burdens, walking alongside each other in the JOYS and the pains.  Nobody has it all together, truly, and I loved learning that tears are a healthy, normal thing that often bond our hearts together in a most special way. Grateful.

High: Two of my beautiful, lifelong best friends were proposed to in 2011, and I get to be a bridesmaid in both their weddings! I cannot express the JOY it brings me looking forward to celebrating this milestone with them.  Cannot wait for summer 2012!

Low: I experienced a lot of “lasts” during 2011.  Last tennis season, last year of life for my sweet dog, last semester of college, last time living on the east coast (for now, at least – who knows where the future will take me), last summer job…it is difficult and scary to face these, but as I said before, ‘goodbyes’ in any sense only lead to exciting ‘hellos’.

High: Being accepted to grad school! WOAH.  I do not feel old enough for this to even be possible, but it is happening. And it is happening soon.  It is terrifyingly wonderful.  I’ll never forget that moment when I found out I was accepted and knew my life was forever changed.  Forever grateful.

And one more High! A dear, dear friend and I started a JOY journey together last spring, counting things we are thankful for as inspired by Ann Voskamp and her book One Thousand Gifts (read it!) and reached our 1000th gift right before 2011 ended! What a huge blessing and a beautiful way to end the year.

I am a huge fan of New Year’s resolutions as well, so here are some of my goals for 2012:

To be objective­ – this might seem random and weird, but it is just something I’ve noticed in my life as a weakness of mine.  I often forget that there are two sides to every story, that when someone tells you something about someone, it may be exaggerated or biased.  It is a mark of maturity, I think, to be able to take a step back from a situation and view it from both sides.  It is helpful to everyone involved for someone to speak peace and understanding into the situation.

Not to gossip – this may seem middle school-esque, but it is always a problem.  I was convicted of this at camp this summer, and realized that I am often guilty of caddy gossip.  If we are truly longing to live a life characterized by grace and love, this has to stop. Join me?

Leave every place better than it was when I arrived – whether that is resolving conflict or washing dishes, I just think it’s a good idea. (:

Be like Mary – In John 20, Mary goes to the tomb looking for Jesus - who has risen from the dead - but she doesn’t know that yet.  The angels ask her why she is crying, and she tells them.  Then Jesus (who she had originally thought was the gardener) simply says, “Mary.”  And she instantly knows it is her Savior! I was so struck by this.  John 10: 3-4 says, “He calls his sheep by name…and the sheep follow him, for they know his voice.”   Mary drops everything to be at her Savior’s feet whenever she can.  She knows his voice and follows immediately.  I want this kind of faith and adoration.

So there you have it, my highs and lows of the past year and my goals for the coming one.  What are yours?