"Oh, how He loves us." Cliche title, but true.

Oh hey old friend, its been awhile.

There are several reasons why I don’t blog as often as I would like to.

One, I’m just lazy sometimes.

Two, I feel like I should have some awe-inspiring insight to share with whoever is reading…or else its not worth it.

Three, I think I have a lack of direction when it comes to my purpose in blogging...but that's something for another day.

So here I am, just writing for writing’s sake.

Small confession – I’m motivated to write because someone today told me that I’m a good writer.

Which leads me to: What Kallie is currently learning.

One of my top love languages is words of affirmation (did you guess it? if someone says i'm a good writer, i'll write...). But I have realized in the recent past that this can be a dangerous love language.  Like all love languages, I suppose, it is not always there for you.  I can’t always have words of affirmation flowing in – and if I ask for them, well, that just defeats the purpose.  That is what we called in middle school, “Fishing for compliments.” 

But the real thing I’ve been learning about words of affirmation, and affirmation in general, is that as someone who claims to be a devoted follower of Christ, my affirmation should not need to come from people.

I’m learning about my place as the Beloved of God.  As one of my professors so profoundly pointed out, maybe John didn’t give himself the nickname “the disciple who Jesus loved” because he was arrogant or because he wanted people to know he was Jesus’ favorite, it was because he understood his identity as the Lord’s Beloved child.  I am God’s beloved – you, my friend, are God’s beloved.

(chew on that for a while, why dontcha.)

Its remarkable, right? And it would seem that the realization of this would inspire a life of not being influenced by or needy for the world’s affirmation but, of course, we are broken people.

And I had this realization a few weeks ago, when looking back over my life and labeling what the main desires of my heart have been (prompted by a book for school, I wish I had these moments of pure thoughtfulness on my own) I saw that I have spent the past 23 years desiring and working to be Liked. To be loved.

When all that time, the God of the universe was screaming from the mountaintops of Heaven, “I LOVE YOU!”  I can just imagine Him putting His face in his hands and shaking His head, thinking, “What will it take to get through to you, dear Kallie?”

But He is getting through to me, in a way that I am so incredibly grateful for. I am realizing that I need to understand His love for me.  Seems like a basic concept, like something we would start to understand and learn when we are baby Christians, but for me…well, I am learning it now.  Never really thought of myself as a slow learner, but I think when it comes to love, I am. (:

And what is awesome is when we have these inspired thoughts, these lightbulbs of realization, God honors our desires and our needs and He speaks love in big and small ways.

Like through a worship service at my church, where He met me in huge ways.  Or through small provisions or breakthroughs.

My point here is this.  Any of the things that I want to do with my life, or the person I want to be – none of those are going to happen until I begin to understand this basic truth. God loves me.  And jeez, we sing that song from birth to death, “Jesus loves me, this I know…” But do we really? Do we know He loves us?

I encourage you to consider this foundational yet mind-blowing truth, that He loves YOU.  And He does not just love your good qualities or your accomplishments, He knows your mess and your ugly and yet STILL loves you. Cool, right? Bask in that, today. 

Hugs, JOY, and fun.

Kallie

Why I Need to Release Control

Proverbs 20:24

“A man’s steps are from the LORD; how then can man understand his way?”

This verse is awesome.  So many of us – I know I do, at least – struggle with having control, especially over our future.  We get frustrated when things seem uncertain or our plans don’t come to fruition.  But we should not expect our plans to become reality, or even want them to, if they are not in line with God’s will for us.  He promises us abundant life, a life so different than anything we could imagine.  How can we even begin to understand our way, then, when each step is anointed and divinely given by God? 

We can do nothing else but take that one step in trust, knowing we can rely on God to give us what we need, when we need it. 

We don’t need to know what our entire future holds, we just need to know that God will guide us through today.

And in the same way as we cannot plan out our future, we should not dwell on our past.

“You must be as one who runs a race, stumbles and falls, rises and presses on to the goal.  What avails it if he stays to examine the spot where he fell, to weep over the delay?  No looking back…Travel unladen, with a light heart, and a light heart means a weight of influence.” – God Calling

Do not let your past failures or disappointments or hurts keep you from living fully today.  What a shame to waste this precious time we are given.  Let God redeem those past moments in His time, and embrace the present for what it is.

Don’t let the past keep you, don’t let the future overwhelm you.  Know that God is with you in this anointed day, and is guiding each of your steps.

Why I Don't Talk to Strangers

The word “bold” has been on my mind a lot lately.  I’ve been thinking about it because I am often considering what it looks like to live this life fully, to live a life that is what God intended for us.  And I think being bold is a huge part of that.

You know when I think about being bold? Usually I’m in one of two places.  In an airport or at church.  In both places there are people who are experiencing intense emotions or going through something big.  At airports, they may be leaving for college for the first time, coming home from a long separation from their family, going to a wedding or a funeral.  At church, someone could be considering a relationship with God for the first time, or the first time in a long time of absence.  They could be trying to fill a void that seems impossible to fill.

In any of these cases, one could use a friend.  Or even a hug or kind word from a stranger.  But for me to be that friend, or that kind stranger, would take great courage.  It would require being bold.  And to be perfectly honest, I am hardly ever that bold. 

I can remember a time flying back to school after a summer at home, and seeing a girl in the airport about my age.  She was on the phone, sobbing.  I have no idea why; I never found out what was causing her tears because I wasn’t brave enough to ask.  I know there may be a difference between being kind and being nosey, but I really feel like I missed a divine appointment that God had for me because I was too concerned about my own fears and insecurities rather than the need that was right in front of me. 

Today, during the greeting part of the church service, the woman in front of me shook my hand and said, “You look so beautiful!” It was so simple, yet meant the world to me.  And in reality, how many of us would be brave enough to give such a powerful compliment to a total stranger!  She was bold. And it made my day.

Don’t let your fear or insecurity keep you from being the person God created you to be.  If He puts you in a situation where you sense a need, do something about it.  If you feel a pull to say something that could change someone’s day, say it.  Take a chance, be BOLD.

The Great Unknown

At my church last Sunday, the sermon was about Caleb.  In the book of Exodus the story is told of how a group of men were sent into the land that God had promised the Israelites to see what the people, crops, land, etc., were like.  They went to judge the quality and see if it was what God had promised.  They came back with a report that the land was everything God had said it would be (literally, “flowing with milk and honey”) but that the people living there were “giants”.  Basically, they were saying, “The land is incredible, but we aren’t strong enough to defeat the people living there.  So there’s no way we can take it and make it ours.”

Except for Caleb.  He says, “we should by all means go up and take possession of it, for we will surely overcome it.” (Numbers 13:30, NASB).  What courage!!

So the sermon was about finding your “Promised Land”.  Your life dream that God has placed in your heart.  What is it?  And more importantly, what is standing in the way of you getting there?

I thought this sermon was so profound that I have to share.  Caleb understood that the people in the Promised Land literally looked like giants.  He wasn’t unaware of that.  But he knew what God had promised, and believed that obeying God without fear would result in success. 

Fear.  It is so common.  We actually pretty much accept it in our society.  But it is not of the Lord, and so we should not let it dictate our lives or keep us from living the way God intended.  Here are some signs of fear that were shared at my church, see if you can identify any in your own life:

·      Your momentum is stalled. You can’t seem to accomplish or do anything towards achieving your life goals.  Stuck in “comfortable.” Get moving!!!

·      You downplay your dreams.  Ugh, friends! I think this must break God’s heart.  He has given us each personal desires and unique strengths that come together to make our personal “Promised Land” possible!  Believe that if you have a dream, it is from God and therefore attainable.

·      You criticize risktakers.  “Well, that’s brave of her I guess, but how is it going to work out in the end? Has she actually thought it through?  How is she going to come up with the finances? She’s sort of shooting for the moon…” Most likely if you find yourself criticizing people taking risks it is because you are living a comfortable, risk-less life that is dull and lacking in faith. Just saying’.

·      You make excuses. “Well, I just wouldn’t have the money…I don’t know, I just have a lot going on right now…That is probably something I’ll do later in life, when, you know, the timing is right…”  I think excuses are just the biggest waste of the life that God has given us.

Do you see any of those in your life?  I sure see them in mine. 

I want to give you an example of someone who is embracing BOLD and not being owned by fear.  As probably all of the 4 people who read my blog know, one of my best friends is moving out here and starting a brand new chapter of her life.  And it is not just a "oh, i think it would be fun..." kind of decision.  She felt God's call, she had confirmation that He wants her to leave the life she's known and start over in a brand new place.   She could easily make excuses. Well, I just probably shouldn't go without every detail figured out first.  She could downplay her dreams. Well I could pursue a career in business anywhere, why not in my hometown?  Her momentum could easily be stalled. Well, things could just be really easy if I stay here. And through her bravery, she has definitely heard criticism from many people all around her.  Fearful people say, "But what is her plan? Does she have a job set up?" But she is trusting that God is leading her to her Promised Land, and she is not going to let fear keep her from reaching it.  

Here is the deal.  The person speaking at church said this, “You have a dream because God says so.”  It is profound.  And true.  And you cannot waste your life making excuses, living in comfortable, and downplaying what He innately created you for simply because it is scary. 

1 John 4:18 says that “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out ALL FEAR.”  Basically, if you find yourself full of fear, you need to reexamine your understanding of God’s love for you.  “Fear makes us doubt God on the most basic level…if we have fear, we don’t comprehend God’s love for us.” 

Believe and accept that He loves you.  Acknowledge that He has a Promised Land for you, and will make a way for you to get there.  Don’t be kept in the wilderness and away from your purpose just because of fear.

Live Boldly. 
(and listen to this song, all of you...but especially you, my brave "friend with roots".)

Why I Don't Blog.

…And all of a sudden, two months have gone by without a blog post.

I think about blogging.  Sometimes I even sit down and try to post something.  And lately I’ve been trying to figure out why it seems so hard.  I mean, I journal all the time and that is basically the same thing.  Blogs to me are just journaling for the world to see – which is alarming and definitely makes me reconsider posting ever again!

But I realized something, as I was reading Grace for the Good Girl this past week.  I have this expectation of myself that things have to be perfect before they can be seen.  This means that for a blog post of mine to actually be posted and read by the world (or just 3 of my lovely best friends, more likely), it has to be perfectly written, meaningful, lifechanging…etc.  I know deep down this isn’t true, a blog is just thoughts on a page that may or may not mean anything to anyone else.  But I put this pressure on myself to write things that will keep the world spinning, as if that’s my job.

Blogging isn’t the only place where I feel this pressure for perfection.  It is life in general.  That is the whole idea of Grace for the Good Girl.  We hide behind these masks, they may be different for everyone, but mine is definitely being “fine.”  So when I show anyone any part of my life, it needs to be tidy and pretty and perfect. 

I was frustrated the other day when I was on the phone with someone and they wrapped up the conversation by saying, “Well, it sounds like everything is going great with you!”  And I thought, “How could it possibly sound like that?”  I thought that I had communicated my frustrations with my job and with my online classes and other issues in life…but it turns out that I am such a master at this mask of perfection and “being fine” that I can almost unconsciously disguise my messy and mixed up life.  I have noticed that a majority of my conversations end with some sort of conclusion of that nature and that frustrates me. 

I want to be real; to talk openly about the frustrations and hard parts of life.  Have you ever noticed that it sometimes takes a lot of energy to do that though?  Sometimes when I’m talking to someone it just feels too exhausting to explain that the kids I nanny may drive me crazy and I question what I’m doing here and all I want some days is to be back in Oregon.  (…and part of me cringes just writing that – why is this mask so strongly glued?)  Sometimes It is just so much easier to be “fine”.  A one word answer instead of word vomiting all over someone about all the problems in my life. 

So I’m a struggling “good girl”.  And I’m putting that out there for whoever happens to read this, which is terrifying, but a step in the right direction.  Anyone relate?

Why Church Makes Me Cry

So I think I’ve found my Denver church home.  Pretty exciting!  A friend described finding your church as that overwhelming sense of being “home.”  I feel that there.  What is neat is that it is a new campus, a satellite campus, of a church here that was growing and growing and needing to expand.  So Easter Sunday was the grand opening, and that was my first Sunday there too.  So I feel like I am a part of it in this special way; I feel connected already in that we are all starting new together.

And I feel it, every week - that sense of being home.

 And every week, I cry.  I cry during a worship song, or the sermon, or even sometimes something they say during the announcements brings tears to my eyes. 

And it’s not the only church that has made me cry – in fact, I probably cry more in church services than anywhere else.  My best friend and Mom can attest to this.  So on Sunday, as we sang, “there is love, that is as strong as death…” and tears filled my eyes, I stopped and wondered why.  Why does church always make me cry?  And this C.S. Lewis quote immediately came to mind:  

"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world."

By “other world”, to me he obviously means Heaven.  We know as Christians that this world, this life, is filled with heartache, loneliness, hurt, pain, the list goes on… and only in Heaven will we be fulfilled and experience true fullness of JOY and perfect peace.  And this sadness, heartache, tears – what it really is – is homesickness.  For my real home.  So why do my tears flow like rivers every time I am in church?

Because it is a gathering of believers, of followers of Jesus.  A group of people coming together for the sole purpose of worshipping the LORD and drawing near to Him. 

It is the closest experience to Heaven that we can have here on earth!

So my tears come because its almost like my soul is reminded of what her real home is like…a place where she internally knows she is meant to be.  That no matter how great this one is, I’m meant for something (or some-place) more.

Romans 8:23 says, “We ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies.”

Meaning, we who have put our faith in God’s saving Love have an inward thirst that cannot be quenched until we are adopted into His family and brought to our new home.  The surrounding passage in Romans 8 uses the analogy of pregnancy.  In The Message translation, Romans 8:22-25 says this,

“All around us we observe a pregnant creation. The difficult times of pain throughout the world are simply birth pangs. But it's not only around us; it's within us. The Spirit of God is arousing us within. We're also feeling the birth pangs. These sterile and barren bodies of ours are yearning for full deliverance. That is why waiting does not diminish us, any more than waiting diminishes a pregnant mother. We are enlarged in the waiting. We, of course, don't see what is enlarging us. But the longer we wait, the larger we become, and the more joyful our expectancy.”

I’ll admit – that is a pretty visual analogy…but so true!  Just as with each new day a pregnant woman is longing more and more to see her new child, so we should feel a desire to be reunited with our Heavenly Father and eternal family.  And I think I feel that each time I’m in church worshipping with a small part of that family.

And then I just sit and imagine it…when we are all reunited there with Him – millions and billions of Christians joining together in the greatest worship service ever – and that inward longing and desire will be fulfilled….won’t that be full of JOY? J

Here is Brooke Frasier's song interpretation of the C.S. Lewis quote, take a minute and enjoy.

Caps and Gowns

In one of my first classes this semester, my professor said, “I want you to close your eyes and visualize yourself walking across that podium, shaking the hand of *insert college/grad school President’s name here* and receiving your diploma.  Who do you need to be when that day comes?”

I wish someone had said that to me three and a half years ago when I was a scared little freshman in college.  Or, even years before that when I walked into my high school for the first time.  By constantly being asked, “What do you want to do when you grow up/graduate?” an amazing amount of anxiety and expectation is piled on our shoulders.  Instead, if we are asked, “Who do you want to be?” we will be reminded of the true goal of life – to become the person we are created to be.  Life is about being, not doing (contrary to our society’s belief…). 

This involves the idea of vocation vs. career.  This is one of the passions of my heart – that people would discover their vocation, and therefore be able to do any career or any activity in a way that glorifies God and brings JOY to their heart. 

What are you going to do when you graduate?  I hate that question.  I’m willing to bet 95% of graduating seniors do too.  Coming from a Christian perspective, also, I believe that is the wrong question to be asking.

God doesn’t ask us to do, He wants us to be. 

Instead of stressing seniors (and all students, really) out about what career they want to go into or what jobs they are looking at, I believe we all need to back it up and ask the more foundational question. Who do you want to be?

It is this beautiful idea of vocation.  This term is so misunderstood, I think.  Some people think it is a synonym for career.  Some think it only applies to religious careers.  My personal understanding of this idea is becoming the person that God designed you to be.  Vocation is knowing yourself well enough so that you can better love God.  It is discerning the heart and passion that God has given you, so that you can then go on to become the person He created you to be no matter what career you end up in. 

I think if we focused more on helping students find their vocation rather than deciding on a career path, we would eliminate the “senior freak out” and all become more self-aware and God-honoring individuals.  We would be able to live out the calling that God has given each of us.

In one of my other classes, we talked about the idea of discernment.  We make so many decisions in our lives every day, but rarely do we discern what the Lord’s will is for any of those situations.  Discernment is an incredibly difficult and complicated thing that requires a ton of patience and trust, but my professor did make one point that is a great way to start.  She said that every time we try to discern something, we can ask, “Is this leading me to God?  Or leading me away from Him and more to myself?”  This is a fairly simple way to judge if we are making a good choice or not.  Only you and God know your intentions and motivations.  So, are you taking a job because God will be glorified by your passion and talent being well-used?  Or because it pays well and you will get recognition?

This is my encouragement to all of you, especially my sweet friends about to graduate.  If you know me well, you know I was an emotional wreck in my last semester of college.  Because I was so concerned with where I was going, what I was going to do…rather than who I was going to become.  The basic truth is, no matter where you go and what you do, God is working in and through you.  As long as you are listening for His voice and following His guidance, you can’t make a wrong decision.  It isn’t as if God can only go with you if you choose door 3 and not door 1 or 2.  Don’t you believe God is bigger than that? 

Think more about the person you want to become, rather than the career you want to do.  When you are becoming the you God designed – calling and careers will fall into place.  Vocation is where we need to start, and I think it is where we need to stay.  Knowing yourself for who God wants you to be is the only way to live a fulfilled and God-honoring life.  And there is so much peace when we accept the fact that God doesn’t hand us a map, instead He goes with us, before and behind us.

Seek JOY, friends.